A walrus’s reaction after receiving a fish cake for his birthday
Lesbians ruined flannels for me.
Homophobes ruined society for me.
i really hate people who think that “freedom of speech” means “i can be as rude and insulting as i want and you’re not allowed to get mad”
they gave condoms at school today, i got 2, 1 for each leg
Rehabilitating penguins wearing sweaters
Okay no. Fucking no. You think your sandwich is cute with peanut butter and jelly hearts, fucker? Well you’ll change your mind once you put it together and try to eat it. First you’ll get a mouthful of just bread and disappointment, then when you take another bite your mouth will be assaulted by copious the amounts of sticky peanut butter and sugary jelly and there won’t be enough bread to save you from it. A sandwich like that is what failure tastes like. The pb and j may be shaped like hearts but there’s no love in that sandwich. It’s about balance. Life needs balance, and so does your fucking sandwich. You disgust me. Don’t talk to me until you know how to make a proper sandwich.